The Highs and Lows of Rewriting

After receiving multiple rejections from agents for Sentimental Journey, several of which said some variation of “very good writing but…” with the “but” usually followed by “too slow” or “didn’t keep me turning pages” or “I just didn’t love it as much as I’d hoped,” I decided I needed some help.

I’m the first to admit I’m not completely objective about my writing. When I finish a page or chapter that I love, or that heightens my emotions, or just flows like great prose, I’m hard pressed to see that it might not contribute to moving the story along. I’ve had all or parts of the novel edited by multiple “experts,” which is what accounts for the “very good writing” tag. But I needed someone who would look at the bigger picture, identify and help me see what works, what doesn’t, and what I needed to do to fix it.

Enter one of my old writing instructors. He had critiqued Autumn Colors for me, and threw me into a panic when he recommended major overhauls and re-ordering and yes, lots of cuts. But the final product was so much better! So I braced for the pain and sent Sentimental Journey off to him.

And, as expected, the cuts were significant. “Redundant” was a big part of the problem, not to mention being inside the main character’s head too much instead of revealing the story through action. My first impulse was to say “nuts to you” and leave it the way it was. Then I compromised and made a separate working copy. I’d make the recommended changes and see – nothing to lose, right?

Whole pages ended up on the cutting room floor, and too many other paragraphs and individual sentences to count. Each word cut felt like a slice from my own skin. All that introspection and beautiful description – GONE! I felt a little like an amputee with phantom pain in the missing limb, only my pain was with the many discarded words.

I’ve only finished the rewrites for the first half so far. I spent the morning re-reading that first half and guess what?

It is crisper, faster moving, and more likely to hold the attention of a reader who isn’t me. I was glad I took the chance (although with built in insurance). And very glad I chose to take it to the one person who wouldn’t just be “nice” and tell me it was wonderful the way it was. It was worth the pain.

And if I have one message for anyone reading this, it’s that it is important not only to have someone objective critique your writing, but also to apply the recommendations, no matter how much it hurts. You can always go back to the way it was, but I’m betting you won’t want to.

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WHY FANTASY?

Today I’d like to welcome Yvonne Hertzberger as my guest blogger. Yvonne, like me, came to the writing life in a “more mature stage” of life. Here she talks about how she launched her writing career with fantasy:

Over the last several years, since beginning to write Epic Fantasy I have had a lot of time to think about what to say when the inevitable question comes up. “Why did you decide to write Fantasy?” The first thought that always comes to mind is that Epic Fantasy is my favorite genre to read for pleasure. They say write what you know and because that is what I read it is what I know best.

But that answer is too simplistic. It starts with why, so many years ago (over 35 – yikes!) I was drawn to reading Fantasy in the first place. It helped that I discovered an author whose world I became enthralled with from the first book in her long series (Marion Zimmer-Bradley’s Darkover novels). In a world that never existed she created characters that did things no real people in our world could do. Yet these characters were so human in their hopes, their relationships and their motivations that they were as believable to me as any in a real world novel. They just found new and inventive ways to deal with their situations.

I have always preferred fiction to non-fiction. The real world was, for me, a harsh place with little to recommend it in the way of kindness or support. In fiction, and especially in Fantasy, I could escape out of this reality into relationships that had solutions. In Fantasy there are always at least some good guys, some with nobility and honor. And no matter how difficult life was the protagonist eventually triumphed, resolving their tests in a satisfactory way. And they always did this through their own efforts as well as the support of others who shared their beliefs and values. While reading I could escape from the problems that had no solutions to a place where I could imagine myself doing what I could not in real life. And because I came to love those worlds and the characters in them I always chose series rather than stand alone novels. (hence the designation ‘epic’) The characters and places became friends I did not want to leave behind.

As a writer I took what I loved to read and imported that into my own work. I took my time about it, however, and did not begin writing seriously until I was 56. (Hence the label I give myself – late bloomer). Writing was, and is, a cathartic experience for me. This was especially true in my first book (Back From Chaos: Book One of Earth’s Pendulum). I knew from the first chapters that this would become a trilogy. In the world I created characters introduced themselves to me who seem as real as you and I. They were people who faced a number of problems; war, trauma, politics, heartbreak, and loss. But by following their journeys I could allow them to solve those problems in ways that would not work here, in the real world. I created strong women, who managed to have influence and garner respect, and yes, love, in spite of conventions that in our world would have held them back. I created a traitor who had redeeming qualities, a spy and assassin who overcame horrific abuses to become a noble man, a prostitute who chose that profession to avoid becoming the chattel of a man, who maintains her dignity and control of her life.

Much more of course, but you get the picture. The neat outcome of this process is that it has allowed me to find new belief in myself and appreciate the good of people in THIS world. And the positive responses to my writing have done wonders for my belief in my own power to manage my own problems. Even more, I have now reached a place in my life where I value the contributions I am able to make and to accept that I have value even though I am far from perfect. And that gives me the courage to ask for help when I need it, having faith that it is there for me. It gives me courage to try the things I need to learn that still terrify me, like the technical aspects of self-publishing my second book “Through Kestrel’s Eyes” the sequel to “Back From Chaos, to be released soon. And that satisfaction now allows me to be grateful for all the help I have had along the way. Life is good.

Yvonne Hertzberger is a native of the Netherlands who immigrated to Canada  in 1950. She is married with two grown children, (one married) and resides quietly  in Stratford, Ontario with her spouse, Mark in a 130 year old, tiny, brick cottage, where she plans to live out her retirement. She calls herself a Jill-of-all-trades and a late bloomer. Her many past paid jobs included banking, day care, residential care for challenged children, hairdressing (her favorite) retail, and customer service. She enjoys gardening,
singing, the theatre, decorating and socializing with friends and family.

Hertzberger is an alumna of The University of Waterloo, first with a B.A. in psychology, then and Hon. B.A. Sociology and stopped ½ a thesis short of an M.A. in Sociology. She has always been an avid student of human behavior. This is what gives her the insights she uses to develop the characters in her writing.

Hertzberger came to writing late in life, hence the label ‘late bloomer’.  Her first Fantasy novel “Back From Chaos: Book One of Earth’s Pendulum” was published in 2009. The
second volume in the planned trilogy “Through Kestrel’s Eyes” will be available  in the fall of 2011.

Website/blog: yvonnehertzberger.com
Author page: http://www.facebook.com/EarthsPendulum.YvonneHertzberger.author
Twitter: YHERTZBE

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Troy High School Cheerleaders in 1967

This is a departure from my usual blogs to hunt for “missing persons.”. Were you a cheerleader at Troy High School in 1967? (or know someone who was?) Friendly’s on Hoosick in Troy has a huge photo of that year’s varsity cheerleaders and the soccer team (and the class of ’68 officers). We’d like to get as many of you as possible to meet there for a “then and now” photo. If interested, send me a message here or through my website (www.dawnlajeunesse.com) and I’ll get details to you.

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Writing influences-Anne Tyler, Hillary C

Writing influences-Anne Tyler, Hillary Clinton, or perhaps Benjamin Button? Sofia Essen interviews author Dawn Lajeunesse http://ow.ly/6y4EN

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Adirondack Authors’ Reception

Adirondack Authors’ Reception & Book Signing
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24
Noon till 3 p.m.

Saratoga Train Station

26 Station Lane

Saratoga Springs, NY
Hosted by: Focus on Humanity Foundation

Seventeen North Country Authors will celebrate the arrival of the Saratoga & North Creek Railway, Saratoga’s latest link to the beautiful Adirondacks. These writers will visit with the public, selling and signing their books, perfect gifts for your loved ones. 

Drawing Opportunity:
Win a rustic “Adirondack-flavored” gift basket stuffed with goodies  

FREE ADMISSION

PLEASE WELCOME…

Carol Gregson, Humorous memoir

Gloria Waldron Hukle, Historical fiction

Pat Leonard, Poetry

Amanda Schaffer, Children’s Picture

Nancy Pulling Best, Memoir/cooking

Megin Potter, Self-help

Dr. William Guiffre, Children’s

 Rob Nearing, Historical Fiction

 Stuart Bartow, Poetry

Dawn Lajeunesse, Romance/Women’s Fiction

 Randy Kneer, Biography

 Liza Frenette, Children’s

Irene Uttendorfsky, Children’s, YA

Susan T.Davis, YA

 Barbara Louise Ungar, Poetry

Marilyn McCabe, representing The Three Poets, Poetry

Persis Granger, Self-Help, YA Historical fiction

Info 518-623-9305 or
FictionFriends@aol.com

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America – Tarnished But Still Beautiful

For this tenth anniversary of the tragic and world-changing events of 9/11, I’m going to digress a bit from my usual topics.

I was watching the NBC special this morning and obviously was very moved by the scenes and memories, as well as the ceremonies in the three locations affected by that day’s attacks.

But oddly – or maybe not so –what moved me to write was an ad. One after another, men and women of different backgrounds, different nationalities, different races, proudly declared, “I am an American.” A conversation with Rudy Giuliani reminded us that people from other countries are still clamoring to immigrate to the United States. With all its faults, it’s still the nation with the most opportunity for those willing to work at it, for those wanting a piece of the American dream.

As Giuliani spoke, I thought with a sinking heart about our current Congress. This country was born and grew into a world power through compromise. That’s the democratic process.

Yet it seems the majority of our current Congressional representatives dig in their heels on every issue – “it’s my way or the highway.” It doesn’t seem to matter what their constituents are saying to them. They seem to think they know what’s best and were elected to do things their way, regardless of the conflicting messages they may be receiving from the very people who elected them. A prime issue is the tax question, and the unwillingness of certain members to increase taxes on the most wealthy while they are demanding cuts to services for the nation’s poorest and most vulnerable – even when very outspoken members of that privileged group are saying they’re willing to pay more. That’s not the foundation on which this country was built.

Another comment was made by one of the newscasters that the armed services are made up almost exclusively by working and middle class individuals. There’s no longer a sense of obligation or pride in many pampered rich families to serve their country in any such capacity. (There are notable exceptions.) Members of our government and media condemn European countries for their socialism, but at least in countries like England, even royalty have to spend time serving their country. Maybe we need a new form of draft that includes not just military but domestic community services to provide opportunities for every American, male or female, rich or poor, to serve their country.

I turned the TV off (it’s recording, so I can go back and watch more later) when the singing of the chorus of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” drove me to tears.

I’m just a working stiff and aspiring author. I don’t have the power or resources alone to change our country. But I can do some very small part with my words. My novels reflect interpersonal struggles and issues confronted by Everyman every day. They may never be blockbusters because they don’t contain a lot of blood or vampires or fantasy (well, maybe a little of that occasionally) or graphic erotic scenes. But I try to draw a picture of the ideals on which I was raised and on which this country was built. We care about loved ones and neighbors and the people of our society who – through no fault of their own – are not able to help themselves. We care about animals and our environment. We’re touched by the tragedies of life, most not as massive as 9/11 but tragic just the same.

After the recent floods in the northeast we saw one example after another of people rolling up their sleeves and helping their neighbors. Volunteers were bussed to the hardest hit areas to help with clean-up and money poured into funds set up to help those in need.

Why can’t we see that the condition of our nation is just as much in need of all of us rolling up our sleeves to make a difference?

It’s not likely we’ll ever wipe out greed and selfishness in our communities (sometimes even our families). But each of us can do at least one thing every day to make the world around us a better place. It’s always been the American way.

(And while you’re at it – write your Congressmen if you believe that the poor and middle class shouldn’t be more heavily burdened than the rich.)

Posted in Grief and Loss, Patriotism, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mark your calendars NYS Capital Region r

Mark your calendars NYS Capital Region readers: Lady Myah Brown, president of Focus on Humanity (a not-for-profit organization which provides disaster relief and recovery services) is hosting a fundraising event for Adirondack authors at her gift shop and cafe at Saratoga train station ON SEPT 24, 12-3.

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ARE YOU ONE OF THE HEIRS TO MANHATTAN?

Genealogy can often be used as a base for the historical fiction writer. Following the lives of our ancestors brings us into a particular setting so that time and place both encircle and thread the story. However, for the novelist, one word fills the space between fact and fiction, and that word is ‘possibility’. – Author, Gloria Waldron Hukle           

Author Gloria Waldron Hukle’s extensive research into her own family’s lineage is a template for the depth of research needed to bring historical fiction alive. Here she taunts us with a dream and puzzle that you could only unravel through tracing your own family’s lineage and begs the question: are YOU one of the heirs to Manhattan?

Please welcome Gloria:

Have you ever wondered if you were in line to inherit in a big way from a long-lost distant relative?  Today there are threads of evidence exploring that very possibility for thousands of us worldwide. The theory goes that if you can trace your lineage back to just one of five l7th century Manhattan settlers you could be in line to inherit a portion of one of the most desirable and spellbinding pieces of property in the world.  You could be one of the so-called “Harlem Heirs”.

So who were these five benevolent men who may have passed to their future descendents a life-changing opportunity? And how is this windfall theoretically possible?

Well, to answer these questions we must turn back the pages of time. The biggest handshake goes to one Mr. Walter Shupe, a late l9th century Manhattan Attorney who seems to have spear-headed the formation of the Harlem Commons Syndicate, a company that issued stock worth about $300,000 at the time. Their hope was to claim about one thousand acres of prime New York City land and water.  The purpose of this syndicate was to build and operate 14 miles of stone wharves and basins on the assumption that they, through inheritance, owned the rivers, marshes, and embankments along the Harlem River. The plan was to deepen the river to a depth of thirty feet. [One of the companies that they planned for the intra-structure work was Cole Dredging Company. The President of the Cole Dredging Company at that time was L.G. Jeffers. Col. Lee Crandall was Secretary.]

In November of l883 Mr.Walter Shupe sat in his office at 252 Broadway in New York City being interviewed by a reporter from the New York Times. It was Shupe who first introduced Resolved Waldron, Thomas Delavall, Daniel Tourner, John Servelen and John Obleene as men who in l666 were granted by English Governor Richard Nichols “all the lands covered by water from Seventy-fourth to One Hundred and Twenty-eighth Streets, which include the Morrisania Flats and all the made land between those streets and the entire river bed of the Harlem River from one limit of the grant to the other.” Shupe went on to say that this included “all soils, creeks, woods, meadows, pastures, waters, fishing and huntings, and fowlings, and all other profits, commodities, emoluments, and hereditaments to said land and premises in anywise appertaining”. [The Manor of Morrisania (later owned by Col. Morris and later the Bronx area) was originally a grant to Dutchman Arent Van Curlear.]

Shupe added strength to the land claim by pointing out that twenty-two years after the original grant by Governor Nichols, New York Governor Dugan confirmed the original five men did indeed have title to the lands and waters that Nichols had granted. Shupe also brought up the fact that in 1825 after a petition of a large number of heirs, over 300 acres of the high lands which went along with the original grant as pastures was sold to a Mr. Dudley Selden with the profits going to the heirs. At that time Chancellor James Kent examined the title and pronounced it ‘perfect’.

However, in future years the newly made land that was developed from filled in marsh land was claimed by the City of New York and then sold to whoever wanted it. As time went along the Selden heirs tried to regain their legal property rights or compensation as a portion of their inheritance and, it seems that’s when Walter Shupe stepped in, in about the year l873.

Putting more backbone to the land claim was the living Waldron residency bond, i.e., Trustee and one of the Syndicate incorporators, Samuel Waldron, was a direct descendent of Resolved Waldron and had lived on his property in the same house that was built by old Resolved Waldron back in the l600s..  (Being a direct descendant of Resolved myself; this bit of information certainly grabbed my attention!)

Walter Shupe was a “Trustee” and the spokesman for the board that included Samuel Waldron, Thomas H. Wyatt, Horace E. Brown, Joseph Hastings, William H. Keek and V.S. Miller.  (Interestingly enough they were not all New York Residents. V.S. Miller was from Michigan, William Keek was from Indiana, and Joseph Hastings was from Ohio (which is where a general meeting of the company was held in 1883 with over 500 stock holders and interested parties attending).

So what happened?  I don’t know.  But, PBS’s History Detectives is on the case now, and a segment is to be aired, I believe, in a week or so.  I’m anxious to see what they have turned up. Of course, as the expression goes, “don’t quit your day job”.

A few snippets that I discovered in the course of my research …..
In June 1886 the ‘Harlem Heirs’ controversy was again in the news.  Claims were made that Samuel Waldron had “sold out” to the City of New York before the test suit for the group’s claims could be brought to trial. My attention was grabbed again. Was this true and if so what would this do to possible claims by Waldron heirs?

Apparently the claimants continued to fight through the courts for years. In January of l887 a group of the heirs presented the case to the New York State Senate, this time seeking their rights to a portion of Manhattan Island. (I don’t know the results of this claim.)

In l888 a Canadian, Tunis Covert, went to court against Samuel Waldron claiming that he owned Waldron’s land. After about a year this lawsuit was thrown out of court.
Later, Shupe was accused of misrepresenting the investors. Shupe died in Cleveland, Ohio in l903, no doubt a disappointed man.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Gloria Waldron Hukle is the author of several novels and articles, including “Manhattan Seeds of the Big Apple,” “The Diary of a Northern Moon,” and “Threads-An American
Tapestry”.  She and her husband reside in Averill Park, New York.   ( http://www.authorgloriawaldronhukle.com )

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IONA PORTAL IS A MUST READ

I haven’t been this blown away by a book since the Steig Larson trilogy.

Maybe it was because I don’t usually choose books in the fantasy/sci fi genre. Maybe my expectations were low, as they often are with self-published books (as pointed out in an earlier posting). Maybe I really wanted to be able to say something positive about an unknown writer’s work, since I’m in the same boat.

Or maybe it’s just an excellent read!

I was hooked from page one and found myself sneaking in an extra chapter when I should be getting back to work – and contemplating turning on my kindle and adjusting the print size to make it readable on my long drive home. (I didn’t.)

What I know was I was drawn to all of the characters as they were introduced. I mentioned before that it is not a genre that I normally would seek out, but the way the story unfolded made it all so believable! I actually forgot that it was fantasy.

You can purchase the book on Amazon. It’s the first of a series called The Synaxis Chronicles. I will look forward to the second book, Iona Stronghold. And check out Robert’s website. I’m certain we will be hearing more about him and his books.

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Do yourself a favor and Check out Iona Portal

Do yourself a favor Check out Iona Portal by Robert David MacNeil. http://ow.ly/6q0pt

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